Interesting radio interview on how Bipolar affects relationships & a rant about how I've been feeling lately

http://t.co/ls65SlA Exposing my broken brain on the radio A Raw & Honest Take on Relationships & Mental Health-An Interview 

http://princessrantsandraves.blogspot.com/2011/06/raw-honest-take-on-relationships-mental.html 

This is by a fellow blogger from Canada. Listening to this hit a nerve with me. I've been facing a gut wrenching low for the past month ever since I returned from the MDF (Manic depression fellowship) Conference full of gleam and hope for my future (may I point out not a high or hypomanic outburst). I just want to be left alone and sleep excessivley and do not want to face the world and any responsiblites. I want to change I am sick and tired of feeling like this. I've had all the therapy and educated myself with the illness but I can't seem to motivate myself. When I say Can't its more of a question of do I want to step into the real world, beyond my talk radio, bed and flat. I do go the shops when I feel it necessary but living with my Aunt, Grandma and Uncle takes away the burden of wasting away because when I sleep for 12 hours or beyond they are the ones to talk me out of bed to eat and take my pills. This has happened numourous times within the past month. Sometimes I'll just take my pills after a 12 hours sleep because I feel that is all everyone cares about and fall asleep and wake up earlier but numb.

Even these close relationships aggravate me and I get irritable easily. I left my family home in a hypomanic episode and literally moved in with them. I do enjoy the fact I mostly get to be on my own and having my own room helps and maybe I am okay with living here but when I lose my temper I want to go back home but because I am in a comfort zone here because all my belongings are here I retract that feeling.

I find myself neglecting my hygiene. Truth be told I've slipped into a routine of showering once a week and even that is a struggle. I've not had the energy to go on this forum either. Last night I took to writing how I felt which seems to take off some of the low self esteem and depression. It's not like I hate myself or my life. It's comfortable. I don't have any responsibilities. I've come to terms with the diagnosis and have accepted it's a part of me. I get told to think positively, go to the gym lose some weight because I am becoming overweight. And in mind I want to do those things, feel nature, live a more active and fulfilling life but I have no flight to do this nor fight left within me. I'd much rather sleep and hide away. I'm not feeling sorry for myself nor wallowing in self pity. It's just something I haven't been able to come out of for the past 4 weeks. My medication works for me, it has done for 5years. (150mg XL Seroquel). I have even become a member of MDF in the little time I discovered the group a couple of months ago and do intend to go to the self help groups. 

I know I have come along way since last year but I just want to not be low. I do have support networks and have taught my family how to deal better with me through the help of MDF literature. My friends understand me but It's like I feel helpless. I have the ideas but no action to help myself. I don't even know if there is a point to this. I was meant to post a link to an interview but I've just poured my guts out on how I've been feeling for a long time. I can't meet simple targets, simple goals I mean how long will I live like this before it's been 2 years and I'm still stuck in this rut. I don't hate being Bipolar when it's good to me and helps me write and do positive things but when it rips into my simple everyday life...that hurts. 

It's not made me into the person who lives like everybody else who has no mental health issues. Instead it's took me upon this journey and way of living that effects every single thing I do from getting up in the morning to the way I think and feel. It is a hindrance in every aspect. Not only to me but the people around me. Like before Bipolarity was ever mentioned I never used to get this Low. This is a Low only seen & felt amongst fellow Bipolar sufferers. So what do I do? Is it fair to say that this is the way things are and will be at times. Like I can't escape it because it is part of the illness and diagnosis. Its a crippling low. 

I guess this post should be in two separate posts but I do feel a connection with what the interviewee feels. This has just been building up for a while now.

Thanks for hearing me.

Omar 

Creativity

Creativity. The embers in your mind that catch fire and ignite into a vacuum of thoughts and ideals unlike anything witnessed before. It uses ones vision and imagination to create history. It is a glittering lure. There's the rare occasion when the human psyche can be engaged on a level beyond the norm. If they have a sentimental bond with a product for example. The most important idea in life is something new and fresh. It creates an itch. You simply put your ideals and way of thinking and plant it into someone else's mind. Creative passion, understanding and commitment. We all are created differently and live in a world of innovation. In our daily lives we attain to better ourselves and the world around us. It may be in the line of a new career, becoming better in our education. So many fervent examples can be used. To remove road blocks in our life, to achieve and get far more satisfaction, performance and productivity and profit out of yourselves.

Creative minds create opportunity. It aligns a deeper bond with your own originality. It’s a delicate power but potent. This creativity we so openly talk about and see in our daily lives takes ideas based on nostalgia or in Greek (the pain of an old wound) and adds to it; which in turn create this passion for something new and innovated. We delve into our sub conscience and etch out something beautiful. Hypergraphia the sudden urge to write can be an example of a impulsive and overwhelming factor which attributes to creativity. Furthermore free writing can be used as a technique to collect initial thoughts that can be added to on a certain topic of choice which may produce a certain wave of creativity. Creative writing and create thinking are two terms we learn about in our early years at school which prepare use for the world out there. The whole idea of ficition writing takes place within the realms of creativity. Without its presence, the embodiment of literature would be a quiet and lacklustre place. Yet it is ever growing where writers create and introduce us to a charming and strange planet of thoughts and feeling that we may connect with.

We see creativity all around us today in many fields. In advertising, fashion & technology. Every single aspect of our modern way of living requires creativity. It is an incredibly powerful and life changing phenomenon, that without it our lives would be merely the same. It uses individualism and separates us from the masses and creates a whole new world within a world. In Art, Music and Film a world which hinges upon the creative souls and minds of its followers and architects is the best example of living and breeding creativity.  The world is ever changing.  Science and its presence is being felt more so than ever. Technology and social media are being the catalysts in excelling all aspects of our lives.  The internet, television and mass media produce the ability to live in a world without any boundaries. 

In the 1989  film ‘Dead poets society’, there is a poignant quote which describes the power and presence of creativity.

John Keating: ‘ We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.’